A waiting game…

After today, I will be the most pregnant I have ever been. My last little one arrived just after 39 weeks – the equivalent of today for this pregnancy. I can confess to being a little disappointed that it’s gone 9am and still no signs…but I need to get myself back in to the frame of mind where I no longer have control over what happens when…the joys of the newborn months. The tiniest person controls your life, morning and night, assuming of course that you subscribe to the “on demand” style of parenting where feeding and sleeping take place as and when they are needed and routines are only looked for once baby is a good few months older.

Our 18-month-old is currently busy upsetting all the careful routines we have in place for her. With immaculate timing, she has developed a disturbed sleep pattern for the last week or so. Just when I need her to be settled and at least a little bit predictable, it’s all gone out of the window. I know it will only be a phase as, on the whole, she is a good sleeper, but the question is, how long will this phase last and is the new baby going to arrive right in the thick of things…?

We’ve given in a fair few times recently and brought her into our bed, but today is the day I head to good old John Lewis and buy a Gro-Clock. I’ve been recommended one of these – a clock which indicates whether it is “officially” morning or night time using an image of the sun or the moon – by a number of fellow exhausted parents and I think, despite my misgivings that she may still be a little young to understand the concept of rewards and sticker charts, I think we will go for one of those too in a desperate attempt to settle things down before we have another, better, sleep disruptor joining the household.

I popped down to my local breastfeeding support group yesterday, feeling a bit of a gatecrasher without my new addition as yet, but it was lovely to catch up with some old and new faces. It seemed strange to say “see you next week” not knowing whether I would be one or two in number. However, knowing they are all there, ready and waiting, is a great comfort as they will undoubtedly form an important part of my support network again once baby has arrived.

What’s my motivation?

There’s no denying that breastfeeding is an emotive topic. Whenever there is coverage in the press, it seems to polarise opinion, often seeming to invite strong opinions one way or the other with little room for interpretation of individual circumstances.

A particularly aggressively written article in The Telegraph earlier this week made me think over what exactly has motivated me to be so pro-breastfeeding. Sadly, the article at one point defines breastfeeding as “sore boobs and a whining baby never quite satisfied”. It was this statement which led me to my answer. My motivation is simply all about something that has made me and others (including our babies) feel fulfilled and happy.

Over the months since I fed my firstborn, I have chatted to many mums about their experiences, I have attended support groups to solve my own feeding problems and help others with theirs, and I have become involved with breastfeeding-related projects to encourage women to feed their babies while out and about and to encourage cafes and shops to welcome mums who are feeding. In all these activities, I have failed to find anyone who doesn’t have their own story of an emotional journey during which they experienced highs and lows, battled with physical and emotional obstacles and, ultimately, found their way until their baby was weaned. In many, many cases they emerged fulfilled, with a deep maternal bond and a strong sense of personal achievement and pride that they had nourished their precious new addition.

No one said it was meant to be easy; often the most rewarding things in life take work to achieve. These stories make me immensely proud of these women and are the reason why I want other mums to read my blog and share the journey.

The argument in The Telegraph is, in my opinion, far from strong. Ultimately, I can’t get past the fact that breastfeeding is a completely natural phenomenon, one of the few most basic human habits that has survived evolution. We therefore do not need ‘proof’ of its effectiveness. As I have said before, aggressive and judgmental comments have no place when it comes to parenting styles or decisions. However, in my mind, if more women can find their way through the initial bumpy ride that is breastfeeding and gain the happy memories and stories of fulfilment that I so frequently hear, then this alone is proof of an effective approach to feeding.

The Telegraph article can be found at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/9879525/The-witches-of-breast-milk-need-to-back-off.html

For more information on Paul Carter’s ‘We Do It In Public’ breastfeeding out and about photography project visit http://www.breastfeedinginpublic.co.uk

The alternative benefits of breast feeding…

I said at the outset of this blog that I wouldn’t be focusing on health and medical matters related to breast feeding. Although I feel sure there are many, and am firmly in support of breast feeding as a preferred approach, I feel these topics are covered widely enough in other media.

However, casting my mind back to my previous feeding experiences and chatting with other mums, it seems there’s far more in the way of alternative benefits that are worth discussing…

During a recent particularly broken night’s sleep, caused by my darling first-born, I found myself reminiscing about the power of the boob. I’d forgotten quite how powerful it can be: before you all start imagining all kinds of weird assault scenarios involving large and heavy milk-filled mammaries, I should temper my comments: those early months are so ruled by feeding and sleeping that it soon becomes apparent that your sanity and rest are closely wrapped up in filling baby up with lovely mummies milk. I think the ability to create such a warm, cuddly environment as you do when feeding so often results in baby drifting contentedly to sleep that you quickly realise the time will come one day when this ‘weapon’ of choice will no longer be available. I can remember being really nervous as my little one got older, wiser and closer to being weaned and I started to realise that the boob was no longer the be-all-and-end-all…I needed to be fully responsible for getting my little one to sleep without necessarily being able to drop a nipple over the side of the cot!

It seems other benefits invariably involve the enforced ‘down-time’ that breastfeeding creates: I know a lot of mums, at least initially, use the time to stare adoringly at their new addition, but it also seems to be the catalyst to many a social media or internet shopping addiction. With the advent of the smart phone, it’s just too easy to keep on buying lovely clothes, teddies and toys for your bundle of joy with a good breastfeeding session being the ideal time to camp out on ebay and see what’s on offer.

And why not? After all, surely this is combining two of woman-kind’s greatest innate and natural abilities: the ability to nourish and nurture our children and the ability to multi-task.

The definition of ‘best’..?

Interesting article in The Guardian over the weekend, seeking to try to re-ignite the debate over breast versus bottle in the wake of further recent reports of significant health benefits for breastfed babies.

I have to say, having experienced both (I fed my toddler until she was 9 months old and then resorted to bottles and formula when I returned to work) I have to say I am an out and out breastfeeding advocate. I’ll come to my reasons why later. But I also have a very strong belief in the often-heard mantra “happy mum, happy baby”. I struggle, when reading media reports such as that published by The Guardian yesterday, to understand why we are trying to pitch one ‘camp’ against another. Is it not enough to wish for women and their babies to have the best possible start for them? Whatever that may be?

I will confess to getting frustrated when women don’t even attempt to feed their babies, or come up with a shallow or cosmetic reason not to (I once heard of a relatively young mum with the opinion that boobs were purely for sex..her boyfriend would be mortified, she claimed, to find a small child hanging off her…) But I also appreciate that people have some bad experiences with breastfeeding and, as such, can’t always continue for as long as they would like. Inevitably, formula then fulfils that need.

I’d really like this blog to be supportive for other mums who are feeding their babies – as I have said before, a support network is crucial to successful breastfeeding and I hope people will see my experiences and thoughts as an extension to this. I really want other mums to be successful with their feeding journey and to get the satisfaction and incredible bonding experience that I had with my first born.

At the end of the day, nothing (in my mind) is easier than using your own ‘portable feeding system’ to look after your little one – nothing to pack up and transport around with you, no need for fiddly sterilisation equipment, or worries about ingredients (cruciferous vegetables sometimes excepted, but more on that in another post!). The Guardian article makes reference to breastfeeding not being free if you consider a ‘mother’s labour’ in undertaking it. I can only assume they are referring to some effort being required to make it work which is undoubtedly true. But, really, from the minute you give birth to that precious bundle, you nurture, worry, tend, nourish and protect it with all your energy and instinct. Breastfeeding is by no means the pointy end of this (no pun intended) and, in fact, often provides a quiet moment or two to study your little one without distraction.

I’m happy for people to make their choices – breast or bottle – remembering that ‘happy mum, happy baby’ mantra. But I struggle with anyone who goes out of their way to encourage any of us not to use our natural resources to give goodness and nourishment to our children. Effort or not, I don’t think any parent would change the ‘labour’ associated with having kids as the rewards are so considerable.

Getting started

I’m starting to think about my birth plan before my next midwife appointment, early next week. Last time round things didn’t go quite to plan as my waters broke over 24 hours before contractions started so my plans for a water birth at our local midwife-led birthing centre were scuppered. That said, the fundamentals remained intact, thanks to a great midwife team who ensured I was able to deliver completely naturally, despite a bit of a slow finish. It was this ‘slow finish’ coupled with the fact that my little bundle was born with the umbilical cord around her neck a couple of times which prevented us having any immediate quality skin-to-skin time. This may have been the main reason our feeding journey got off to a slow start.

There’s loads of evidence to suggest that skin contact in the immediate minutes after a baby is born is extremely beneficial, particularly in relation to establishing that first feed. I remember watching a video during ante-natal classes where a baby, just minutes old, was seen to crawl its way up the mother’s body to reach and latch on to the breast. An incredible example of human instinct and nature doing what it does best.

For us, though, a slightly interrupted period just after the birth meant my little one showed little or no interest in feeding for most of the first day. It became apparent fairly early on that this was going to have to be worked at and it wasn’t until I transferred from the hospital to our local birthing centre where one-to-one breastfeeding support was provided, that I really started to understand about establishing that all-important feeding routine. My tiredness and general ‘rabbit-in-headlights’ feeling at being a new mum both contributed to me thinking the midwife was potty when she told me I needed to set my alarm to wake and feed every couple of hours throughout the night. I think it’s the perception that breastfeeding is just supposed to happen that can lead many women to giving up at an early stage, worried that baby is too hungry to afford the time to fiddle around until the routine is established. It took us a couple of days, plenty of tears and frustration, and a lot of encouragement from midwives and daddy before I started to feel that this might actually all come together. My advice, and my plan for the second time around, is to accept that, during that first 24 hours at least, nothing else matters apart from me, my baby and the feeding process. I’m going to give it all my attention because, if nothing else, it’s an excellent excuse to cosy up and stare at your wonderful new little person.

It’s all in the preparation…

So, yesterday was the official ‘one month to go’ date – due date for our second bundle of joy is 5th March. I spent the day buying bits and bobs for my hospital bag and got myself measured for some feeding bras. Having thought I would recycle and make use of the ones I used last time, typically, my measurements are completely different this time round. But the presence of not one but two consonants in my bra size made me grin as I remembered I can now look forward to a fulsome figure in all the right places while feeding.

It’s interesting to note my different approach to preparing for breastfeeding second time around. First time, there was lots of preparing my body – various creams and lotions being applied to soften – or toughen – those vital parts! This time, I wonder if I should be concerned that I seem much more focused on preparing my mind…it seems developments like my 17 month old suddenly becoming interested in mummy’s boobies (lots of pointing and ooh-ing or looking down my top) are making me think feeding a new baby could have some interesting angles second time around…I think this change in approach comes from knowing more about the emotional aspects of feeding. How much hormones play a part in those very early days, how important it is to speak to others, whether family, friends or your support network of experts about how things are going and where you need help and guidance. But also, not to forget, that wonderfully fulfilling emotional reaction when your baby is ‘milk-drunk’, flopped on your shoulder after a good feeding session.

Over the coming month I’m hoping to get my blog established, I want to add some links that might be useful to others embarking on their own breastfeeding journeys, and also give some pointers to useful pre-feeding purchases such as creams and cushions etc. I’m not a medical expert obviously but I can share what I learnt first time round and I really hope you find it useful.

Anticipation…

To be honest, whilst waiting for my first baby to arrive, I was more worried about getting the breastfeeding right than the actual process of giving birth itself. I’d seen the stats – and was suitably worried about whether I would succeed or fail to create a happy, healthy, intelligent etc etc new little person – and I’d heard the horror stories. Boy, were there a lot of those. All seemed to revolve around pain (for me), the need to flash my boobs at every given opportunity and the peer pressure (that I placed on myself, to be fair) that friends and family had already done it and succeeded.

What would happen to me? Would I be able to stand the pain? Would I be one of those women who can cook a three-course meal with a small human attached to her right nipple? Would I give my baby the very best start in life, whether that involved my boobs or a bottle or both?

Second time around, there’s still an element of trepidation although it’s tempered by my knowing a lot more about what to expect. I guess I now know I can do it, I know the ups and downs that will be an inevitable part of the journey and, most importantly, I know something which goes against all your instinctive thoughts and expectations – it’s NOT the most natural thing in the world. Both baby and you will need to learn to breastfeed. All sorts of things can create barriers in those first few days. Getting past these obstacles is about determination, perseverance and support from family and other networks in your community. And most of all it’s about your belief in yourself. You’re strong, you’ve just bought another human into the world for goodness sake, you CAN do this.