There are some mornings when, dare I say it, I positively ENJOY dropping my children off at nursery. Does that make me a bad parent?
It’s not even because I have something especially exciting to do with my day. No, bad mother that I am, it’s for a break from the little darlings, pure and simple.
To be fair (to me), we are currently in the middle of a horrid phase where Bimble is up and screaming at 5.30am every day. We went through this with Bumble too and now she will usually sleep until around 7am, if we’re lucky. But I am resigned to the fact that we are an early bird household; most mornings start at around 6.30am and, worryingly, I have seen both girls up and about at 5.30am a couple of times over the last week. It’s a tricky time of year, of course, with light levels at their highest and, of course, Bimble screaming the house down until she gets her morning bottle of milk really doesn’t do much for anyone that might still be sleeping.
Ironically, once everyone has been disturbed the chaos continues. Inevitably, there are now two overtired children who don’t really want to be awake. I resort (too quickly at this time in the morning) to CBeebies, which actually doesn’t even start until 6am but even that didn’t placate them this morning. Bimble took to standing right in front of me screaming and bawling but, as soon as I reached out for her, she threw herself dramatically on the floor kicking and crying and not wanting to be touched. Fifty percent of the time, this just led to me ignoring her (we try to have zero tolerance on tantrums) and the other fifty percent, when her head hit something hard as she landed, I tried again to pick her up, only to be met with flailing arms and more screaming. Our poor neighbours.
Like some sort of crazy martyr to the cause, I heard myself telling Bumble that she couldn’t watch Mr Tumble as he isn’t here on a Friday. Interesting tactic when I know that one episode of ‘Something Special’ will keep her quiet for around 20 minutes. But, seriously, I know the words to every episode off by heart – we have watched it on iplayer so many times. Instead of getting an annoying ear worm from Radio 2 during my drive to work, I find myself walking through the office humming along to the ‘Goodbye Song’ like a village idiot.
Usually I resort to snacks (they have their breakfast at nursery which saves precious time and mess at home in the mornings) just after 7am which then gives me the opportunity to go and get dressed and organised for work. But this morning, snacks were evidently the only way to go and, by 6.45am we were in danger of causing a national grape shortage. And still they screamed.
The final black mark against me and my parenting skills came when, with another yawning 20 minutes ahead of me before nursery was open and I could gleefully say goodbye, I suggested a throwing and catching the ball game. In the lounge. Bumble’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. Throwing the ball? In the lounge? Blimey, mummy is clearly off her rocker. Perhaps we should scream like this more often…